These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.
VIRGO – August 23-September 22
This will be a VERY happy 2 months for you. After all, it is your birthday! And you know what they’ve been saying about that for a thousand of years, don’t you? “Happy Good! Me like Happy!” Cartwheels, hand stands, head stands, single arm press ups, sit ups, and sand castles the shape of gymnasiums are well starred. Take note, perhaps you could use a little exercise?
CELEBRITY VIRGO: Ione Skye
PROS: Smart /CONS: Perfectionist
LIBRA – September 23-October 22
“Geronimo!”, “Yahooooooo!” but NOT “Weee!” are the best ways to show extreme enjoyment such as when catching that big fish, canopying across the jungle, or jumping suddenly into water. This month your destiny has a lisp and is determined to say MISSISSIPPI…don’t worry about it…make yourself a coffee, sit down and read the internet, hell…its what you do everyday right? While you’re at it, make yourself a birthday cake, the chocolate and fattening kind cause no one celebrates birthdays with gusto after sweet 16!
CELEBRITY LIBRA: Shaun Cassidy
PROS: Harmonious /CONS: Procrastinator
SCORPIO – October 23-November 21
Your concerns for the environment will be put into second place to your need to organize a smoky BBQ on the 18th. This could herald a violent end to a fish, a sausage, or possibly a beef burger. Going out and coming back home again are well starred for the whole month. Get used to seeing bruises over the next few weeks, as you and furniture begin not seeing eye to eye.
CELEBRITY SCORPIO: Goldie Hawn
PROS: Romantic /CONS: Self Centered
SAGITTARIUS – November 22-December 21
The “Hokie Pokie” and indeed any dance that requires grown straight men to hold each others hands are favorable-especially when putting your left leg in and shakin it all about. Haciendas, olive groves and red drinks with pieces of fruit floating in them are dangerously starred when occurring together until well into September 2010.
CELEBRITY SAGITTARIUS: Donny Osmond
PROS: Good Natured /CONS: Impatient
CAPRICORN – December 22-January 19
The next 2 months your destiny is like a fruit basket past its “best before” date- outwardly filled with promise but with the danger of a squashy one where you don’t expect it. History, geography, but not physics are high school subjects that will offer intellectual solace in an otherwise humdrum month.
CELEBRITY CAPRICORN: Nicolas Cage
PROS: Gentle/CONS: Act before thinking
AQUARIUS – January 20-February 18
Jupiter is planning to invite all Aquarius to celebrate its upcoming 5 billionth birthday with a party. It’s all pretty vague at the moment as is the exact date of its birth, but pencil in a party give or take a couple million years from this month.
Your destiny will jump to a conclusion this month!
CELEBRITY AQUARIUS: Geena Davis
PROS: Sweetheart /CONS: Rebellious
PISCES – February 19-March 20
When setting off on long to middling walks, Pluto suggests starting off on the left leg. Do this and the planet promises rewards a plenty. Beetles, lizards and insects that hiss or nip with long pincers when they are angry are well favored.
Translation?…skip the evening nature walks or visiting anyone whose house is completely made of old rotting wood.
CELEBRITY PISCES: Smoky Robinson
PROS: Peacekeepers /CONS: Unrealistic
ARIES – March 21-April 19
You will be in constant motion for the following months ahead, and you’ll leave a wake of cuties behind you. Keep it up and one of them might snap you into a new way of thinking about the world. Watch out for vines this month. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between a vine and a creeper, until it’s too late!
CELEBRITY ARIES: Maya Angelou
PROS: Spontaneous /CONS: Short Fuse
TAURUS – April 20-May 20
Greetings, including hearty hugs, and slaps on the back are perfectly starred in moderate measure, as are kisses on the cheeks, but only in Latin American countries. Sumo sized people will become increasingly attracted to you as the month goes on. Avoid throwing sand over your shoulder as it will only encourage them.
CELEBRITY TAURUS: Bono
PROS: Great Friends /CONS: Ferocious Temper Tantrums
GEMINI – May 21-June 21
Long words that end in “ick” or “ia” are encouraged this month, as are your chances of success if you were to enter any spelling competitions. Brown is your unlucky color for the next few months. Avoid it wherever possible. Moldy coffee cups may not be breeding the penicillin you hope they are!
Fortune will smile upon you; actually it will be more of a smirk.
CELEBRITY GEMINI: Tom Jones
PROS: Versatile /CONS: Nervous and tense
CANCER – June 22-July 22
A hostage situation, or maybe you have locked yourself out again, is in prospect this month. Someone will also approach you in the latter part of September with an attitude you cannot get along with at all. Bite you tongue and bear with it…this person has some interesting news coming your way…
Your destiny has a slight case of the heebie jeebies.
CELEBRITY CANCER: Lil Kim
PROS: Protector /CONS: Cautious
LEO – July 23- August 22
A bottle of red, a bottle of white! The only drink for those who are addicted to beer but worried about the size of their gut. I know a good supplier!
You have achieved what most of us only dream about-you are a star! If its tasty then lap it up, if not, well don’t-this is the best course of action.
This month your destiny has its fingers in a number of pies!
CELEBRITY LEO: Ben Affleck