GEMINI – May 21-June 21
Another birthday has arrived…Large tongued Gemini dogs will come your way in overly affectionate encounters, particularly after early supper, bowl-of-water-lick, or mid evening walkies until well into July. Embrace these moments, as we all know that love comes in many different forms and we should take what we can get!
RULING GEMSTONE: ALEXANDRITE
CANCER – June 22-July 22
Today you will stumble across conclusive proof that cilantro is actually the main ingredient in soaps and detergents, and that its culinary use started at a joke—it’s just that most people are too shy to admit that they’d rather spray Lysol on their burrito than put cilantro on it!
RULING GEMSTONE: RUBY
LEO – July 23- August 22
Try being entirely honest for a week. That’s a fine way to develop a clear conscience. Personally I prefer my method though—a poor memory! Performing a magic card trick this month may have people looking at you in a new magical light!
RULING GEMSTONE: JADE
VIRGO – August 23-September 22
Sunflower, peanut, but not walnut oils are your preferred frying oils this month, especially when flipping the contents in the pan is required in any Jamie Oliver cooking performance. Virgo dealers…you know who you are…should hide their stash securely on the 18th!
RULING GEMSTONE: SAPPHIRE
LIBRA – September 23-October 22
Moments of pure vitriol, the red anger they told you about in Anger Management courses the judge sent you on are set to pepper this month with moments of counting slowly from 1 to 10. Your destiny is like a small fish ambitiously aiming to move up the food chain in the next 5 years.
RULING GEMSTONE: OPAL
SCORPIO – October 23-November 21
What you need right now is a period of blind faith and what looks like cherries, as Saturn and Neptune become aligned in your chart it is becoming increasingly difficult to read…
Seminal moments are superbly starred this month in any red-lit situations, especially dawns and when tambourines are playing!
RULING GEMSTONE: TOPAZ
SAGITTARIUS – November 22-December 21
Yawns, loud sighs and slurping your tongue with your lips and saying “num num” is pretty much the extent of this month for you. You will be tempted to go against ages old advice and teach an old dog a new trick. Saturn will let you know if you are successful or not.
RULING GEMSTONE: TURQUOISE
CAPRICORN – December 22-January 19
An ongoing gang feud, neighbor from hell argument or an encounter with a shelf stacker in the supermarket, indicates that your need for a period of quiet reflection is needed again once the storm has passed. Cushions, a hot drink, and a really stupidly
loyal pet will probably do the trick.
RULING GEMSTONE: GARNET
AQUARIUS – January 20-February 18
Truffles, trifles, and Trans fatty acids continue to be highly favored, especially in high class dress up to the 9’s parties, luncheons, or power suppers. “I intend to”, “If at all possible”, and “I’ll pencil it in my diary” are your favored weasel phrases this month.
RULING GEMSTONE AMETHYST
PISCES – February 19-March 20
Now may be the time to learn how to do one of those backwards summersaults from a standing on your feet to a standing on your feet position. Sounds unlike you? That’s because Jupiter has been stopping you even thinking about trying this cool exercise…until now that is!
RULING GEMSTONE: AQUAMARINE
ARIES – March 21-April 19
Double kisses on the cheek greetings, like Russians do, are not well starred this month. Use your discretion, and hope Saturn has your back in any subsequent shootouts! Fruits of all shapes, colors and sizes are favorable.
RULING GEMSTONE: DIAMOND
TAURUS – April 20-May 20
Sometimes it may seem like you are taking two steps backwards for each step forward. If you are actually taking 2 steps back for every step forward then it might be a good idea to walk to where you want to go to backwards-you will get there faster.
RULING GEMSTONE: EMERALD