These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.
CAPRICORN – December 22-January 19
As we all ring in the New Year together, you can also celebrate another year of growing older! Lucky You! 2010 is set to be your year to shine, a “come back” you might say. Forget about your New Year’s resolutions…I think the Mayans might be onto something, and if so, we only have 2 good years left…so go on…smoke your laughin lettuce, eat till it hurts, and have a little rum in your egg nog!
CELEBRITY CAPRICORN: Daffy Duck
IDEAL JOB: Cactus Thorn Picker outer
AQUARIUS – January 20-February 18
Temptation looms high over the agenda this month as you suddenly notice that your colleague has a rather nice bottom and appears to make you need to stare at it constantly…don’t worry, the next 2 months are FULL of these types of temptations, but you will rise above it and veer out of the way in the most tempting of situation!
CELEBRITY AQUARIUS: Goofy
IDEAL JOB: Flamethrower
PISCES – February 19-March 20
Horses, cows and hens are all well starred this month, apart from their manure of course! There is a global open toe shoe warning in place all month.
Your tune to hum or whistle this month will be any David Cassidy tune from 1972.
CELEBRITY PISCES: Road Runner
IDEAL JOB: Snowflake Counter
ARIES – March 21-April 19
You will leave a tongue twister half finished this month following a complicated confusion involving a hat, a pot plant, and miscellaneous juggling objects, some of which are on fire.
Is it time for a change? The stars suggest now could be the time, or the time could be another time????
CELEBRITY ARIES: Sponge Bob Squarepants
IDEAL JOB: Gingerbread House Maker
TAURUS – April 20-May 20
You are about to discover a mint that will change your life. Trouble is, you won’t be able to stop talking about it. Is the mint the life changing thing or is it the boring of others about it. Only you and Saturn can square the circle on this riddle this month.
CELEBRITY TAURUS: Yogi Bear
IDEAL JOB: Snake Charmer
GEMINI – May 21-June 21
There is some good news waiting for you in the form of a Buffalo. Perhaps you know what we are talking about, perhaps not. Mars may have a plan that might just work.
CELEBRITY GEMINI: Wizard of Oz
IDEAL JOB: Tight Rope Walker
CANCER -June 22-July 22
You will soon need to look older than you actually are. Bushy eyebrows generally do the trick. You’ll find that a little rubber cement and a pair of sleepy hamsters are just what you need.
CELEBRITY CANCER: Kermit the Frog
IDEAL JOB: High rise Window Washer
LEO – July 23- August 22
Dance like a madman, win the respect of colleagues and foes. When Elvis sang, it was like he was thinking of you. Oh yes, especially when he does those “groin dips”!
CELEBRITY LEO: Elmer Fudd
IDEAL JOB: Price is Right Host
VIRGO – August 23-September 22
Small shrubbery’s and bushes offering berry fruits will draw you into the outdoors after the 6th, and may indirectly encourage you to start reading raunchy late 19th century fiction involving Ladies of the Manor and their hunky game keepers who chop wood with their shirts off!
CELEBRITY VIRGO: Garfield the Cat
IDEAL JOB: BBQ tester
LIBRA – September 23-October 22
A dongle, a woggle or possibly even a muggle are all starred this month for any recreational activity, but beware anyone who comes to your door selling any of these things.
CELEBRITY LIBRA: Scooby Doo
IDEAL JOB: Hot Dog Vender
SCORPIO – October 23-November 21
Garlic, silver bullets and red painted star-like diagrams on the floor will add a new dimension to your housekeeping endeavors.
Beware of men, women, and websites that pretend to know your future-apart from this horoscope of course!
CELEBRITY SCORPIO: Betty Boop
IDEAL JOB: Soup Stirrer
SAGITTARIUS – November 22-December 21
Congestion, perhaps involving road traffic, problems with your cell phone network or possibly mucus are all set to pepper this month with problems of the waiting, waiting and coughing-sneezing kind.
CELEBRITY SAGITTARIUS: Frankenstein
IDEAL JOB: Store Mannequin