Cosmic Confetti’s Horoscopes – February2014

February 3, 2014

AQUARIUS – January 20-February 18

This month your lucky fruit and lucky colour is orange. Enjoy this rare alignment of colour and fruit luckiness.

RULING GEMSTONE: AMETHYST
FAMOUS AQUARIUS: JAMES HOFFA

PISCES – February 19-March 20

This number of lucky days is a record for any star sign so make the most of it. This will not occur for another 26,745 years.

RULING GEMSTONE: AQUAMARINE
FAMOUS PISCES: OSAMA BIN LADEN

ARIES – March 21-April 19

A message from ‘out there’ will break through to your reality this month in the form of a hippopotamus wearing pink shoes.

RULING GEMSTONE: DIAMOND
FAMOUS ARIES: LADY GAGA

TAURUS – April 20-May 20

A cold or cough, which will sweep through your family this month, will remind you of the fragility of life’s strange order, and that you are out of man-sized tissue. Your preferred supermarket will have an attractively priced two for the price of one deal from the 8th.

RULING GEMSTONE: EMERALD
FAMOUS TAURUS: SADDAM HUSSEIN

GEMINI – May 21-June 21

A small, bemused, wild chicken will wander into your kitchen around 10th-24th looking for shelter.

RULING GEMSTONE: ALEXANDRITE
FAMOUS GEMINI: DONALD TRUMP

CANCER – June 22-July 22

You will be strongly drawn to wartime speeches this month and the military in general, with camouflage combat trousers or vest fashions being your fashion of choice.

RULING GEMSTONE: RUBY
FAMOUS CANCER: LIZZIE BORDON

LEO – July 23- August 22

Cartoons will reawaken a love of the outdoors, especially woods, big red barns and chopping wood in thick checkered shirts.

RULING GEMSTONE: JADE
FAMOUS LEO:BENITO MUSSELINI

VIRGO – August 23-September 22

This month your lucky fruit is a lemon. Unfortunately your most unlucky egg based desert will be meringue. Lemon meringue pie will be ill starred until after the cock crows on the 19th.

RULING GEMSTONE: SAPPHIRE
FAMOUS VIRGO: IVAN THE TERRIBLE

LIBRA – September 23-October 22

A hat, which had previously been a reliable favourite, will cause grief when it flops outrageously down around your ears at a social occasion possibly involving horsy types.

RULING GEMSTONE: OPAL
FAMOUS LIBRA: LEE HARVEY

SCORPIO – October 23-November 21

A bull will become agitated when it sees you out for one of your new years resolution healthy walks this month; beware – get too close and it will make determined efforts to knock you to the ground.

RULING GEMSTONE: TOPAZ
FAMOUS SCORPIO: MARIE ANTOINETTE

SAGITTARIUS – November 22-December 21

A blue, shiny, new pen will have devastating effects on your punctuation this month as old style writing instruments come under the influence of a mutinous Mars.

RULING GEMSTONE: TURQUOISE
FAMOUS SAGITTARIUS: WALT DISNEY

CAPRICORN – December 22-January 19