These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.
LEO – July 23- August 22
Those born in “Leo” have a tendency to find themselves in trouble, they are as corruptible and they are powerful, and will seek to gain an advantage in any way possible, either in business(loan sharking) or love(a relationship between 2 people) Good month to waste your life watching television.
RULING GEMSTONE: PERIDOT, JADE
VIRGO– August 23-September 22
More fun with twine this month, and do remember to hold your pinkie finger up when drinking tea. In this world you have a choice between being clever and being pleasant…I suggest pleasant.
RULING GEMSTONE: SAPPHIRE
LIBRA – September 23-October 22
This will be one of those months I’m afraid. The person next to you on the bus will have taken one of those nitroglycerin capsules for his heart condition and will be bending over to pick up a newspaper, just as the bus hits a big pothole…
RULING GEMSTONE: OPAL
SCORPIO – October 23-November 21
An old nickname will surface this month, much to your dismay…”Giggles”
RULING GEMSTONE: TOPAZ
SAGITTARIUS – November 22-December 21
In a strange form of protest in against the trends in personal adornment, you will make mooing sounds whenever you see someone with a nose ring. Coincidentally, some of them will say ”Hay!”
RULING GEMSTONE: TURQUOISE
CAPRICORN – December 22-January 19
Excellent time to hum popular songs, just slightly off key. If you do that long enough, the people around you will change in appearance. You will be able to see the veins in their neck, for one thing.
RULING GEMSTONE: GARNET
AQUARIUS – January 20-February 18
Good month to put strange labels on your binders and file cabinets, such as “launch codes”, “who’s been naughty”, or “Snerge”. This will be quite effective in distracting visitors, so they will often forget whatever they were preparing to bother you about.
RULING GEMSTONE: AMETHYST
PISCES – February 19-March 20
This month you will buy a white jacket and start working towards your dream: the resurgence of Disco! And you’ll be successful too! Yes, over the course of your life you will get several people involved!
RULING GEMSTONE: AQUAMARINE
ARIES – March 21-April 19
Romantic gestures will flourish forth today from the cup of love you hold in your heart. Although your teeth will hurt.
RULING GEMSTONE: DIAMOND
TAURUS – April 20-May 20
The odds are that you will see something this month that you physically and desperately desire, However it is likely that you will fall flat on your arse trying to achieve it, hang in there!
RULING GEMSTONE: EMERALD
GEMINI – May 21-June 21
Love makes the world go round, and peaches make a very nice accompaniment to sweet corn. You can’t go wrong this month, everything is set up for brilliance.
RULING GEMSTONE: ALEXANDRITE
CANCER -June 22-July 22
Filling the gap in your love life can be done with pies, tarts and loaves of unleavened bread. However, it is generally much easier to not eat all that stuff and go out and find true love. It is unlikely to be hiding out at your supermarket.
RULING GEMSTOME: RUBY