These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.
SAGITTARIUS – November 22-December 21
Don’t forget your towel today. I usually find I’m less likely to forget things if I wrap them around my head. Everyone has their own mnemonic tricks though.
RULING GEMSTONE: TURQUOISE
CAPRICORN – December 22-January 19
You will get one of those pre mixed salads in a new high tech bag that “breathes”. Or in this case, wheezes.
RULING GEMSTONE: GARNET
AQUARIUS – January 20-February 18
Life will deal you an interesting hand soon. Which is okay, but an interesting foot would have been much better.
RULING GEMSTONE: AMETHYST
PISCES – February 19-March 20
A friend will ask you to give her a ride today to Main Street. You’ll forget where you’re going, though, and drive her to Distraction.
RULING GEMSTONE: AQUAMARINE
ARIES – March 21-April 19
Testing your ability to walk on water should be done at the beach, not in the middle of the Atlantic. This is just an analogy to some part of your life which is not entirely clear to me.
RULING GEMSTONE: DIAMOND
TAURUS – April 20-May 20
Although you may try to pass yourself off as a second level wizard, your skills are so feeble I doubt you could open a book by only using your tongue.
RULING GEMSTONE: EMERALD
GEMINI – May 21-June 21
The number you are thinking of is an odd number below 50. Your patronizing ways will only make someone angry with you. Try to avoid low blows.
RULING GEMSTONE: ALEXANDRITE
CANCER -June 22-July 22
Daytime television can motivate you to rethink the monotony of your life. You may decide to pep up your life by taking up a short cookery course.
RULING GEMSTOME: RUBY
LEO – July 23- August 22
You must decide how to continue today, weather it’s by questioning everything that happens, or instead letting it all wash over you like the water from maiden’s bath.
RULING GEMSTONE: PERIDOT, JADE
VIRGO – August 23-September 22
The feeling in the pit of your stomach is going to explode at noon, or sometimes afterward. Romantic gestures will flourish forth today from the cup of love you hold in your heart; although your teeth will hurt.
RULING GEMSTONE: SAPPHIRE
LIBRA – September 23-October 22
Your ability to think up lies on the spot will be challenged this month. Don’t be afraid to run really fast, problems will catch up, but at least you’ve given yourself a few minutes to think up some bullshit explanation.
RULING GEMSTONE: OPAL
SCORPIO – October 23-November 21
Paper can cut, and words can hurt. Which is why you should burn any mail that comes through the letter box-preferably while still in the postman/woman’s hand.
RULING GEMSTONE: TOPAZ